


falling out

by wanluv



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 15:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15536790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanluv/pseuds/wanluv
Summary: Joohyun wonders, for what isn’t the first time, and what won’t be the last, how they went from being so in love to being so broken.





	falling out

**Author's Note:**

> title is from Luna’s Falling Out

Wendy is early.

It doesn’t surprise Joohyun, not really, because Wendy’s always been incredibly punctual, so much so that she can’t remember the younger woman ever arriving late to one of their dates, but Joohyun thought Wendy might break her habit, just this once. Just today.

But the knock on her door comes a good ten minutes before Joohyun is expecting it.

She quickly looks at herself in the mirror hanging by the entrance, making sure she looks presentable before opening the door.

“You’re early.”

“I didn’t want you to worry,” is the reply she receives, and Wendy sounds so fragile, so afraid. Joohyun wants to pull her close and hold her, just like she’s done so many times, but she doesn't. They’re not each other’s source of comfort anymore.

And Joohyun wants to reassure her that she wouldn’t have been worried, that Wendy could have taken the additional ten minutes, but she can’t, because the truth is this has been the longest week in her life.

Wendy looks small. Her hair is in a messy ponytail, her makeup minimal. Joohyun recognizes Wendy’s clothes, and feels like they fit the younger woman better the last time she wore them. The light blue capri pants seem to hang onto Wendy’s legs far more loosely than they did a month ago when Wendy last wore them around her. Joohyun wants to ask if she’s been eating well, but she doesn’t. She knows the answer.

On Wendy’s shoulder hangs an overnight bag, looking so full that Joohyun wonders if Wendy had trouble zipping it up.

Joohyun notices all of those things, but her attention is mostly on the bundle of purple fabric Wendy is holding tightly. It would be easy to mistake as a big rolled up blanket, were it not for the small hand poking out and clutching the collar of Wendy’s white button-up.

Joohyun takes a step closer and moves to Wendy’s side, desperate to finally see her daughter again after an entire week away from her.

“Hi Yerim,” she coos, smiling for what feels like the first time in an eternity. The infant looks at her with wide eyes and lets out a giggle, recognizing her mother immediately.

Joohyun wants to hold her and hug her, but she can tell Wendy isn’t ready to let go from the way she cradles their child against her chest.

“Do you want to come in?” Joohyun barely has time to ask before Wendy nods, stepping inside the apartment. Joohyun closes the door behind them and approaches Wendy once more. “Here, let me-” she begins as her hands move to the strap on Wendy’s shoulder.

Wendy seems a bit panicked at first, before realizing that Joohyun is asking for the bag, not Yerim. She nods, loosening her hold on the child just enough for her ex to remove the bag.

“I-I tried to pack everything she might need,” Wendy explains, and Joohyun can tell from the size and weight of the bag that ‘everything she might need’ most likely includes many items that won’t be necessary at all, or that Joohyun owns as well. Still, she doesn’t say anything. If it helps Wendy feel even just a fraction better about Yerim being away from her, then Joohyun will gladly let her pack an extra thermometer or too many of Yerim’s plushies.

As Joohyun puts the bag away, Wendy quickly looks at the apartment.

Joohyun wishes she’d had more time to unbox things, because the apartment is still pretty pitiful, adorned with more unpacked boxes that actual furniture or decoration, but there’s only so much she’s been able to do since moving in a few days earlier.

“It’s nice,” Wendy tells her, walking around the living room after removing her shoes.

“It’s kind of a mess,” Joohyun replies. “I’ve barely had time to unpack. It’ll be nicer in a few weeks,” but she wonders, for the nth time since moving in, if it’ll ever feel as much like home as the small house she and Wendy owned together did.

Wendy walks around for a bit, taking in what little the apartment has to offer right now, while Joohyun watches, not knowing what more there is to say.

“Do you want to see her room?” she decides to ask, breaking the uncomfortable silence, and Wendy nods.

Joohyun leads her to the end of the hallway, where two doors face each other. A sign with Yerim’s name, written in glittery purple, hangs on one of the doors, and Joohyun opens it before letting Wendy go in.

Yerim’s room is starkly different from the rest of the apartment. The walls have already been painted, light shades of pink and blue in patterns that resemble a sunset, similar to the child’s other room. All the furniture is already assembled, the walls decorated with framed pictures, most featuring Yerim, but a few of only the two of them, before Yerim was born.

Wendy walks around the room, taking in every detail, and Joohyun watches her go. Yerim is also looking at her surroundings. The room’s colours seem to please her, as she smiles brightly while her wide brown eyes move from one object to another. Wendy’s slow exploring comes to a halt when she reaches the crib, and Joohyun steps closer.

Wendy looks at everything carefully, and Joohyun looks at Wendy carefully. She notices the small changes in Wendy’s features, because while they might be small, to Joohyun, who spent years looking at Wendy with loving eyes, memorizing everything about her, they’re so obvious, and they make a world of difference. Wendy’s cheeks are thinner, which makes sense considering it looks like she lost some weight, but Joohyun thinks that the round, soft and full cheeks suit Wendy the most, and finds herself missing them, even though she really shouldn’t allow herself to miss anything about Wendy. Wendy’s eyes also look tired, more tired than Joohyun remembers seeing them. There are dark circles under her eyes, which Joohyun knows aren’t from Yerim keeping her up at night, but more than that, Wendy’s eyes lack the sparkle of life they used to have.

“It’s the same,” Wendy whispers, taking Joohyun out of her thoughts. Wendy, thankfully, isn’t looking at her, and doesn’t seem to have noticed her intense staring. Wendy’s eyes are instead fixated on the mobile hanging above Yerim’s crib.

“She doesn’t sleep well without it,” Joohyun replies, looking at the mobile as well. It took her a while to find it, and she had to get in contact with Wendy’s sister who originally gave it to them, but anything that makes Yerim feel more at home, that makes the transition to a new house easier, is worth doing, no matter the amount of yelling over the phone Joohyun might have to sit through.

“I wanted to bring it, but… It was so difficult to assemble, I was worried about breaking it…” Wendy trails off, and Joohyun puts a gentle hand on her shoulder in an attempt to be reassuring. Wendy doesn’t give her a second before shrugging it off.

“I have everything she’ll need,” Joohyun says, a ‘don’t worry’ almost falling from her lips, but she catches herself. Wendy will always worry.

Wendy inspects the room for a bit longer before Joohyun guides her back to the living room, but of them knowing what is to happen next. Joohyun doesn’t miss the way Wendy’s arms seem to tighten around Yerim, just enough to pull the child closer, but not enough to cause her any discomfort. Joohyun wishes Wendy’s eyes didn’t begin to shine, the tears forming in them reflecting the sunlight coming in through the window. Seeing Wendy in such a state and not being able to pull her close, to hold her tightly and give her the reassurance she needs makes Joohyun’s heart ache even more than it already did.

Joohyun doesn’t say a word as she holds her arms out, and a whine leaves Wendy’s lips as she finally allows Joohyun to hold their daughter.

Joohyun takes the infant from her ex-wife’s arms carefully, her body relaxing after a week of stress and worry as soon as she brings the girl close to her chest. She hadn’t realized just how empty not having Yerim by her side had made her feel.

She looks at her child, her soft smile returned by the grinning infant who immediately reaches for Joohyun’s dark locks.

Joohyun lets out a giggle just as Wendy lets out a whimper, and Joohyun’s eyes are drawn back to her ex, who looks so, so close to breaking down.

Joohyun wishes she didn’t have to be the person causing Wendy’s pain by taking her daughter away, but they have a custody agreement to respect.

Still, she wishes she could ask Wendy to stay a bit longer, wishes she could make this easier somehow

‘Do you want to stay for dinner?’ she wants to ask, but doesn’t. They’re not at the point of their divorce where they can be around each other so casually. Everything is still too fresh, too raw. Everything is still too painful.

“You should go,” are the words that fall from her lips instead, and she hates how cold she sounds, but she needs Wendy to leave.

She needs Wendy to leave, because she can’t stand watching the woman she loves in so much pain, but there’s nothing she can do to make it better.

“I-I…” Wendy stutters as her tears begin to run down her cheeks, leaving shimmery trails. “I’ll see you next Friday,” she eventually manages, and Joohyun nods, promising to let her know how Yerim is doing everyday, just as Wendy has done during the week Joohyun didn’t have custody.

Wendy steps closer, until she can lean down and gently kiss their daughter’s forehead. When she leans back, the distance between her and Joohyun is minimal, almost intimate, and Joohyun has to fight her automatic reaction to lean closer and kiss her. The way Wendy quickly takes a step back makes Joohyun wonder if Wendy is struggling just as she is, if Wendy almost kissed her just as she did.

Wendy avoids her eyes as she moves toward the door, her crying heavier, her whimpers louder.

She doesn’t say another word, just putting her shoes back on and opening the door, stealing one more glance at Yerim before leaving.

Joohyun listens with a pained expression as Wendy’s whimpers turn into sobs on the other side of the door.

The sobs get quieter as Wendy walks away, leaving Joohyun with their daughter and a heavy heart.

Joohyun’s lips find their daughter’s forehead, kissing the same spot Wendy did just moments before, and she wonders, for what isn’t the first time, and what won’t be the last time, how they went from being so in love to being so broken.

“Mommy’s going to be okay,” Joohyun whispers to their child, who’s still far too young to understand that her family is breaking apart around her.

“Mommy’s going to be okay,” she tells Yerim, but struggles to fight back her own tears.

 


End file.
